TRUMP CONSIDERING NAME CHANGE TO "DICK TATER" IN SHOCK THIRD-TERM STRATEGY
By Buck Rawlins, Chief Political Root Analyst
PALM BEACH, FL — In a development that insiders describe as "both inevitable and agricultural," President Donald Trump is reportedly exploring a legal name change to "Dick Tater" in what allies call a "creative workaround" to the two-term presidential limit.
Sources inside Mar-a-Lago confirm that senior advisers have spent recent evenings huddled around a laminated copy of the Constitution, repeatedly circling the 22nd Amendment while muttering the words "technically speaking."
"It clearly says no person shall be elected more than twice," explained one strategist. "It does not say no tuber shall."
The room reportedly fell silent.
Within hours, draft campaign messaging was circulating under the working title "Operation Strong Roots." Merchandise concepts quickly followed, including yard signs proclaiming "Dick Tater 2028" and bumper stickers urging Americans to "Make America Grate Again."
The slogan, aides insist, is "both humorous and deeply policy-oriented."
At a rally last weekend, the president teased the idea to roaring applause.
"They think they can stop me with rules," he said. "But rules are complicated. Agriculture is simple. You plant something strong, it grows."
Crowd members chanted "Tater! Tater!" while waving novelty potato-shaped foam fingers.
Legal experts were quick to respond with concern.
"This is absurd," said one election law analyst. "You cannot bypass constitutional term limits through produce."
Yet campaign insiders argue the move reflects innovation.
"This is outside-the-box thinking," said one adviser. "Way outside the box. More like outside the crate."
The rumored platform includes:
- Mandatory French Fry Fridays in all federal cafeterias
- Creation of a National Gravy Reserve
- Establishment of a Root Vegetable Council to advise on executive matters
- A foreign policy doctrine described only as "Farm to Table Diplomacy"
Critics warn that while the proposal appears humorous, it underscores serious debates about executive power and institutional limits.
Supporters disagree.
"He's always been ahead of his time," said rally attendee Gloria Simmons. "We've had career politicians. Why not try a vegetable?"
Political scientists note that democratic systems depend on shared adherence to constitutional guardrails. Even playful testing of those boundaries can spark broader conversations about precedent and institutional trust.
Still, campaign energy remains high.
Merchandise featuring the phrase "Spuds for Freedom" reportedly sold out within hours online. Insiders confirm that staff are researching whether filing paperwork under the botanical name Solanum tuberosum could provide "additional ballot flexibility."
As of publication, no official documentation has been submitted. But aides confirm that if the strategy proceeds, it will be accompanied by a full rebrand emphasizing "soil-based strength" and "deeply planted leadership."
At press time, constitutional scholars nationwide were updating lecture slides to include a new hypothetical scenario: "What if the president identifies as a root vegetable?"
In a statement released late Tuesday, campaign officials clarified that while the name change remains under consideration, one principle remains firm: "America deserves leaders with strong roots."
Whether voters are prepared to elect one remains to be seen.